Friday, March 13, 2009

Angel With Broken Wings

disappointed, sad, tear apart, alone, pretending, and feel inferior that's what i feel recently
started from family issue to bad marks
it's like no matter how hard i try, i never be the best
it's like i don't deserve all the good things
it's like i'm being cursed by some invisible magic or spell
it's like i can't ever make anybody happy or proud of myself
it's like my life goes all the way wrong
it's like i attract trouble
not finish with one, the other one is coming

being the worst or worse it's definitely sucks!
it's not like i'm into obsession or i'm having pity on myself
but i just can't imagine how are my parent's mimic when they get my score report
surely it will break my heart
i just angry to myself
why didn't i work harder to achieve something more???
it's a rhetorical question, i guess
no one can answer it even me...

bad thoughts keep floating in my mind lately
like maybe i really don't belong in biotech
maybe i made wrong decision when i said "i want study biology in uni"
maybe my mum was right when she said i fit more in communication, hospitality or else that not so difficult to be studied.
maybe i was wrong when i rejected her suggestion
maybe better if i move to another department like psychology or other else
and so on...

and now i realized dearness in biology subject when i was in high school it's not enough to achieve something good here
well, it's not like i regret my decision or whatever
but being in this phase is really bringing me down
i feel like a crybaby
it's hard to pretend everything's okay but what else can i do???
all of these problem make me be pessimistic more about everything

i know it's not the end of the world
i know it's my turn to taste it all
but i need more faith...
and when i read my daily bread half an hour ago
i just kinda aware that i'm not alone, never
God never forget me through the easiest and hardest time
that's what i want to remember and cling on now
He is shaping me into a better person
hopefully after i finish deal with these issues,
i become a person that match with His desire

so yea, i need your support and prayer to going through this hard phase
thx for who already did, i really appreciate it all...

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